Trust is the basis of a healthy and positive relationship . However, many people, for various reasons, feel insecure about their partners, which can lead to arguments and disagreements that drive couples apart.
If you are going through this, know that it is possible to learn how to deal with distrust in a relationship and resolve all the issues that prevent you from living in harmony with the one you love. In the following article, you will understand why distrust arises in a relationship, discover what consequences it can bring and check out 10 golden tips for dealing with distrust properly. Follow along!
Why does distrust in a relationship arise?
Mistrust is the result of insecurity , which may have been caused by an event, such as infidelity, or even by the lack of someone who feels it. However, even if the initial cause was the other person’s attitude, each individual is responsible for their own feelings and can act to overcome this insecurity. As we often say, life is not what happens to us, but what we do with what happens to us.
This type of concern is more than natural between two people who love each other, but there is a level that is considered healthy for this feeling. A couple that has a secure and distrust-free relationship is not like that just because they both act with loyalty, but because, first and foremost, each person feels safe within themselves.
Trust in another person is a consequence of what you already felt, regardless of third parties. Understand that the issue of distrust is more linked to how you feel than necessarily to your partner’s behavior.
What are the possible consequences of distrust in a relationship?
Mistrust in a relationship can have several negative consequences, compromising the connection between the couple. Some of the main ones are:
- Constant insecurity: lack of trust makes one or both partners feel insecure, always questioning the other’s fidelity and intentions.
- Impaired communication: mistrust leads to misunderstandings and makes open and sincere conversations difficult.
- Increased jealousy: small situations can be interpreted as threats, generating possessive behavior.
- Frequent arguments: the couple may enter into a cycle of arguments motivated by suspicions and unfounded accusations.
- Emotional distancing: Fear of being judged can cause one partner to avoid sharing their feelings and thoughts with the other.
- Accumulated resentment: lack of trust generates resentment, making the relationship exhausting.
- Possible end: when trust is not reestablished, the relationship may come to an end due to a lack of emotional stability.
Restoring trust requires dialogue, transparency and mutual effort. If the situation becomes unsustainable, seeking professional help, such as coaching or couples therapy, may be a solution.
10 tips to overcome distrust and become a more confident person
It is perfectly possible to get rid of the ghost of distrust and live harmoniously with the person you love. Remember that love is a light feeling and you have every right to enjoy it to the fullest. So, open your heart and put the following tips into practice.
1. Align your expectations
Many of the frustrations that arise in our lives are the result of the expectations we have. Perfection does not exist, so demanding it from the person we love would be inconsistent. To love is to understand that every individual has qualities and defects, but with true feelings, it is possible to be happy anyway.
Hence, the key to putting an end to distrust in a relationship is to specify the level of seriousness of the relationship. There can be disappointment when one partner believes that he or she is in a serious relationship and the other partner has the idea that they are only “having fun” or are just acquainting themselves. When the nature of the relationship is specified, then both the parties hold responsibility for each other and there is no conflict generated.
2. Know your feelings
Security is achieved when a person is able to manage their own feelings, and to do so, it is necessary to know them. Therefore, stop and reflect on yourself and what makes you feel insecure about your partner. Rationalize the fear you feel in order to find answers that are truly justifiable. Do your suspicions have any clue that makes sense, or are they the result of an anxious mind that triggers disproportionate thoughts and fears?
Often, the fear of losing someone you love is the result of past traumas, and in this case, it is necessary to reframe it, transforming it into a learning experience. Avoid allowing your pain to become beliefs that block you and prevent you from being happy. Instead, turn them into learning experiences to become a better person, for yourself and for those you love.
3. Invest in dialogue
Besides learning about yourself, you must learn about the other person, and this will only be through communication. Whenever something is bothering you, discuss it and make your partner do the same. Sharing your feelings with a close friend will also work as a means of thinking and feeling in order. But only by communicating directly to the person involved will one be able to find a solution.
Most issues in a relationship are caused by a mere lack of communication. But consider this: if you cannot tell the person you’re building your future with what you think, then does the relationship make sense?
Most couples lose valuable moments in their lives because they silently suffer from their discontent. Naturally, you must always speak calmly, peacefully, compassionately and carefully select your words so as not to offend your partner. So, don’t be running around making accusations. Rather, use first-person statements, like: “I felt hurt when X happened,” or “I don’t feel good when you do Y.”
4. Take care of your self-esteem
On a scale of 0 to 10, how much do you love yourself? Spend a few minutes with this. It is a critical step in stopping the insecurity you have by taking care of your self-esteem. Insecure people constantly blame themselves for many faults and think that the relationship is not working out is all their fault. But never forget that two individuals create a relationship in which both have equal roles in a relationship or marriage.
When it comes to your self-esteem, try to be kinder to yourself and look at your qualities. You are an incredible person and, like anyone else, you can evolve and become better and better, but this will only be possible if you seek self-knowledge and identify your positive points and those that you can improve.
Furthermore, just as you admire many qualities in your loved one, they also admire yours. After all, you were the person they chose to be in a relationship with. Don’t forget that.
5. Trust your partner, otherwise break up
As we told you at the start of this article, the trust is a foundation of any healthy relationship. In this light, if you have made your mind up and decided to be with another adult, it is extremely crucial that you trust that person and also their intentions and feelings. Think about it in this way – these are two grown-ups who have chosen without any coercion whatsoever to be in a relationship. Trust them.”.
There are moments when one of the members has a tendency to act contrary to what the couple agreed and does not respect the trust placed in them. If that is your situation, it will be required to consider if it is actually worth continuing the relationship. In this case, the same former advice is valid, regarding investing in communication and learning about each other. This way, you will be sure that you can forgive and let go, or that it would be best to end it and begin anew in a different manner.
You are not tied to anyone. Your future is always in your hands, and the person you should love the most is yourself. As painful as it may be to end a relationship, it is better to suffer for a moment than to suffer for a lifetime with someone you do not trust.
6. Maintain individuality
Many couples, when they start a relationship, completely change their lives, leaving behind old habits. It is true that a relationship promotes a change in an individual’s life, however, it is not necessary to give up the things that you consider important and enjoyable. Playing a sport, meeting friends, spending time with family, all of these can and should be maintained, for the good of both parties involved.
Maintaining your individuality is not a sign of a lack of love. On the contrary, it shows that you want the other person to continue doing what they like. Avoid placing the responsibility for your happiness on just one relationship. As much as you consider it the most important, there are several others that are also fundamental, such as your friends, family and coworkers. This change in your perspective brings more security and makes the relationship easier.
In this sense, making concessions is part of a relationship, but both parties involved need to make them. It is not healthy for only one person to have to sacrifice. In balance, both parties can continue to do what they enjoy, without anyone getting hurt.
7. Seek specialized help
When distrust and insecurity are persistent, they harm not only the relationship, but also the mental health of the individual who feels them. Coaching , or even more traditional therapeutic processes, offer techniques and methods that allow the individual to better understand what they are feeling – self-knowledge. In addition, these tools help the person to rationalize and better manage their feelings, assessing whether they are proportional to reality or not.
Making assumptions is often a habit in the most anxious and insecure minds. The problem is that many of these assumptions have no logical basis. If this is the case, therapy and coaching sessions can help the individual manage their anxiety and work on their self-esteem and self-confidence. And remember: seeking specialized help is never a sign of weakness, but rather of strength and health in someone who wants to solve their problems and be happier.
8. Respect the time of the relationship
Trust does not arise instantly; it is built over time and through shared experiences. In this sense, it is essential to respect the pace of the relationship and understand that some insecurities may be the result of past experiences of both parties involved.
Instead of pressuring your partner to meet your immediate expectations, focus on gradually strengthening your relationship. Small, everyday gestures of affection, honesty, and commitment can help build trust in a natural and genuine way.
9. Avoid making hasty assumptions
Mistrust often arises from misinterpreting or distorting situations and creating imaginary scenarios that do not always correspond to reality. Therefore, before jumping to conclusions, seek to clarify any doubts directly with your partner, always with respect and openness.
Feeding unfounded negative thoughts can wear down a relationship unnecessarily. Developing the habit of questioning your own fears and seeking out concrete facts avoids unnecessary conflicts and helps build a more harmonious environment.
10. Cultivate habits that strengthen connection
Apart from conflicts and insecurities, it is also important to build the base of the relationship with quality time and positive memories. Building traditions as a couple, dedicating time to mutual activities and appreciation for your partner are good strategies to build strong emotional connections.
Solid relationships are built on a daily basis, through actions that demonstrate affection, respect and loyalty. When there is a history of complicity, trust tends to grow naturally.
May the above tips make sense to you and help you lead your relationship with more balance. Always try to get to know yourself to understand the origin of your feelings, maintain dialogue and cultivate respect. Trust is a consequence of these factors and is essential for a couple to fully enjoy what they feel.